Happy Birthday Conner

Dear Conner,

As I sit here at the computer tonight I find it so hard that tomorrow you will be turning six. Conner, you have brought more joy into our lives than you will ever know. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for blessing my life with you.

I cannot believe that just over six years ago your dad and I felt the urgency to put in our paperwork again to begin the adoption process a second time. We knew the wait would be short but we had no idea how short it would be. We found out in the middle of January that your birthmom was looking at files and was considering us. We found out that next week that she had selected us to be your parents. You weren't due be born for another ten days. You, however, had different plans. Once she selected us and we wrote back to her, she went into labor. Your birthmom and I both know that all you were waiting for was for her to decide on a family. Once she had done that, you didn't see the need to wait any longer and decided to make your grand appearance into the world.

The day you were placed in our arms was a day I will never forget. Your dad and I got up and got dressed in our Sunday best. We were so excited to finally see you. Aunt Michele watched Sam while we went and met you. Your birthmom, Brenda, brought you over from the hospital. One of your birthfather's sisters came along with her for moral support. Brenda walked into the room and immediately placed you in my arms. Michael McLean wrote a song that I think beautifully describes what everyone in that room felt that day.

There's an ache that's missing today
There's an emptiness that's been filled
There's a cloud that's lifting and drifting away
There's a raging storm that's been stilled
There's a joy that's real
There's a wound that's finally healed
There's a future replacing the past
This breath of new life in the cast
Something perfect is happening here
And this moment will bury the mountains of fears
And the countless tomorrows in a world disappears
Something that's perfect is happening here.
No one knows so no one can say
That tomorrow all will be well
Will the brightest promise that shines in today
shine tomorrow no one can tell
But one thing is sure and will be forever more
Such unselfish love has been giv'n
The world just made more room for Heaven
Something perfect is happening here
And this moment will bury the mountains of fears
And the countless tomorrows in a world disappears
Something that's perfect is happening here.

The Spirit was so strong in that room that day. There is not a doubt in my mind or Brenda's mind that this was all part of our Heavenly Father's great plan for you.

Little did we know when we left the agency that day, that Brenda would come back into our lives. As you know, Brenda eventually married your birthfather, Steve. Through the years, Brenda has become a very good friend of mine. I love her for not only being your angel birthmom but I also love her for becoming my eternal friend. I have felt many times in talking with her that she was my sister long before we came to this earth life.

As I have watched you through the years Conner, I can't help but think of what a beautiful combination of nature and nurture you are. You are so laid back and easy going. We all know you didn't get that from definitely didn't come from me or your dad! I know your laid back easy going spirit is a trait of Brenda. I love that about you. When I look at you I see so much of your physical traits are directly linked to Steve. You look so much like him. But I also see a lot of Steve's wittiness in you. I haven't quite figured out what you have of mine. Other than you are my little cuddle bug! I love you for that. I also see you do alot of your dad's expressions. People always comment how much you look like him too. Teachers at the school often remind me that you are so your father's son!

I hope you always remember just how loved you truly are. You have a huge birthfamily that loves you so much. Your dad and I love you more than you know. You have great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all who love you. The relationship I have loved watching through the years is that of you and Sam. Sam had prayed for a brother for years. You see Sam knew you were coming long before your dad and I knew you were coming. When we found out about you, we had just had a great Christmas. We had spent some of our adoption savings to have a huge Christmas. We figured we would have plenty of time to put it back in. So imagine my surprise when the agency called and said Brenda was considering us and one other family. I went to my room to pray that she would choose the other family. I wanted a baby so bad but didn't know how we would pay the adoption cost. I came downstairs from closing my prayer and Sam said, out of the blue, that he was getting a new baby brother. I hadn't said a word to him about there even being that possibility. I knew in that moment that you were coming. I went upstairs and offered a "please forgive me prayer" and vowed we would do whatever it took to get you here. I have to admit that it wasn't all roses. While Sam had prayed for a little brother, once he figured you were here to stay, he wasn't quite sure what he had prayed for! However, it didn't take you two long to become the best of friends. As I have watched you two play through the years, once again I have come to know that you two knew each other long ago. I love the way that you admire Sam. I thought it was so cute last week when you found out that Sam had ski school on Friday and wouldn't be home until after 8:00. You cried so hard that Sam wouldn't be home all day on Friday. It was cute how you waited all day long for him to get home. I hope you two always remain best friends.

Conner I love so much about you. I love your beautiful blue eyes. When you were born, Brenda was hoping that they would stay blue. They have and they are so pretty. I love looking into those pretty blue eyes. I love it that you are six and are still my little cuddle bug! Sam was such an active baby that I wanted the next baby to be more cuddly and that you were. There were days that I would curse that I couldn't put you down without you fussing. But I have come to love your hugs and kisses. I love it how you come and jump in my arms and cuddle with me. I know I already commented about how easy going you are. I love your easy going way. I often wish I could be more like that. I could talk to you all day. I love to hear your cute little voice. I love how witty you are. I always manage a good laugh when I talk to you. I know we joke about it but I think it is cute how your ears get red and glow whenever you are sick or tired. It is always a good indicator of when it's your bed time. You are so creative. I know I cuss the torn paper around the house and how my paper products are always disappearing but I love how you are always trying to create things. I love the sweet Spirit that you bring into our family. Our family would not be complete without you. I admire your desire to do what is right. I hope that will continue throughout your whole life. I as a mom, often think I learn more from my children than I will ever teach them. Most of all Conner, I consider myself most blessed for being chosen to be your mom.

My birthday letter to you wouldn't be complete without giving thanks to the one who gave you life. I think as an adoptive mom that is the hardest thing about birthdays for me. While they are always such an exciting day for us, it hurts me to know that somewhere out there someone is missing you a little more on your special day. I will forever be indebted to your birthmom, your birthfather, and our Heavenly Father for bringing you into our family. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank my Heavenly Father for the sacrifice that they made. I am often overwhelmed at the trust that they have placed in me to be your mother.

In a few short hours you will be six. We will awake to a day filled with festivities for your special day. We will celebrate with friends, family, cake, presents and balloons. I hope your day will be a great one!

Love,
Mom